Three Resources for Surviving Newborns

I was talking to Amy yesterday and I realized that we have a lot of friends who are either currently pregnant or just had a baby (congratulations!). One of the things that gets really, REALLY old is parenting advice that goes something to this tune:

Random Person: Oh, you're going to do that with your kid? Well, I love my kid so we do this instead.

Me: Really? Okay well thanks for letting me know that you think I don't love me kids.

Anyways, in lieu of advice, here are some resources Amy and I used that we found really super useful:

1) The Wonder Weeks App. It costs 2 bucks, it's available for Android or Apple, and it's amazing. Turns out that almost every baby has mental leaps in their development around the same times and during these leaps they will do their best to break you like a Kit Kat bar (Good luck during week 5, we've been there). The app lets you know what to expect during the leaps, what mental abilities they'll start displaying after the leap, and a handy chart showing how close your child is to the next one.

2) The five types of Baby Cries. Turns out babies can communicate what they need. This was very helpful because it let us address what they needed instead of blindly guessing. Here's a short summary of the 5 types of cries, but the Oprah video in the link gives a good example of how the cries sound.

1. Heh - Baby is not comfortable (Too hot, too cold, dirty diaper, foot stuck, Timmy fell down a well? Who knows, babies are a mystery, but it's definitely something)
2. Owh - I'm sleepy, the sound is made as a reflex when the baby yawns. On our second it usually comes out like oo-wha
3. Neh - I'm hungry. When the baby get's hungry they have a sucking reflex so their tongue goes to the roof of their mouth making the "N" sound
4. Eh - Baby needs to burp
5. Eair - It's a deeper sound than the other cries and means baby has gas. Sometimes accompanied with baby pulling their knees up or pushing down with their legs.

3) Cutting out dairy. Okay, okay, this one is half advice, but it really is just meant as a resource for your benefit. My first born was borderline colicky. He was not happy about being out of his perfectly regulated, feed on demand, water bed womb and made sure everyone knew it. After 2 months of misery for all of us, Amy read that some kids are just sensitive to dairy introduced through momma's milk.

She cut it out of her diet and shortly there after first born's gas problems disappeared, he stopped crying non-stop, it was wonderful. If you got a kid who won't stop crying, it's worth a shot to cut our dairy, but a word of warning. It is in stinkin' everything.

It is crazy hard work to get dairy out of your diet. And no sooner are you successful then you go out to eat and the cook in the back is too lazy or incompetent to realize that it's not enough to not put anything dairy on the skillet when he makes your meal, he has to clean the skillet or work area prior to making your meal and now you got a kid who won't stop screaming, his poop is mucousy, and his mother is contemplating beating someone within an inch of their life with a spatula.

Well that's it. Good luck and remember, you can survive this.

Three Resources for Surviving Newborns

Mary, Martha, and a Message for Moms

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(Christ in the House of Martha and Mary, Diego Velázquez, 1618)

I'm driving home from work and call my wife to let her know.  As soon as she answers the phone I can hear it in her voice; she's completely stressed out.  She's trying not to talk to me about it because she doesn't want to have a heart that is grumbling or complaining, but I can tell.

I don't hear my son yelling or crying in the background or even trying to talk to her nonstop while she's on the phone.  I ask her how he was today and she tells me he was really good.  Okay, so she's not stressed over anything my son did.

The conversation continues for another few minutes as we talk about what we each did that day and what's for dinner.  Finally, unable to figure it out on my own, I just ask her, "Is there something stressing you, my dove?"  There's silence on the other end for a moment and then, "Well... it's the house."

Oh, this subject.  My beautiful wife is nearing the third trimester of pregnancy, has an almost 3 year old son who demands nonstop attention, talks to you about everything, and wants to run and explore (provided you're there running and exploring with him).  And as the old infomercial goes, "But wait, there's more!"  She's also in a lot of pain, my son was born asynclitic.  It's said to be the second hardest type of birth (the first being breach), and one of its unfortunate side effects, for my wife at least, is some lasting bone/muscle damage that's making her second pregnancy very difficult.  She's doing some physical therapy to help, but it can only do so much.

Needless to say, she's exhausted and can't walk for long.  I've been trying to take care of the things she can't keep up with, but I'm no mom.  I'm dad, which means housework gets done like a triage ward.  So clutter can stick around for a while, dishes sometimes pile up (especially when the dishwasher is clean and needs to be unloaded), but it's not like we're living in filth mind you.  I may be dad, but even I make sure the house is sanitary

Still, seeing the clutter stresses her, not because she's a perfectionist, but because she feels like it is a constant reminder that she's not doing her wifely duties.  I know she's being serious, but it always makes me laugh when she says that.  As if the Bible taught that a wife had to do all the laundry and all the dishes and the vacuuming.  It annoys her that I laugh, but you can blame my dad for it.  He drilled it into his sons' head that there were no gender specific chores.  If mom was doing dishes or sweeping or moping we'd better be in there helping her or doing homework.  Knowing how to do laundry was my brother's fault though; he knows what he did.

So I get home and I find a picked up house.  After we got off the phone my wife felt so guilty, despite me telling her not to worry about it, that she cleaned up the clutter.  Which was sweet and I tell her thanks, but she spent the rest of the night and much of the next day in pain.  The trade off isn't worth it.

In Luke 10:38-42 we're given a unique look into Christ's friendships outside His disciples.  He comes into the home of Martha and her sister Mary was there and Jesus sat down and began to teach.  Mary sat down and listened, but I love how the King James Version puts what Martha did, "Martha was cumbered about much serving."  Not just distracted, cumbered.  She's hindered, she's hampered, she's obstructed by the serving.

Martha wasn't just making sure people had a place to sit or getting dinner ready like a good hostess, she was being obstructed by overly focusing on the material concerns of how her home looked to her guests.  And what was Jesus' response when Martha finally got mad that her sister wasn't helping?  He rebuked Martha for letting the material keep her from enjoying the spiritual.

And this isn't just a thing for pregnant moms either.  Even before the pregnancy, my son consumed my wife's energy.  But here's the thing, hardly a day goes by that my wife doesn't send me a picture of my son's smiling face, or my son snuggled up to momma all worn out.  As Jesus put it, my wife "has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her."

So don't get stressed out about a house that gets a little messy, don't be ashamed to invite friends over, and don't stop investing in the good portion.

Mary, Martha, and a Message for Moms