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(Christ in the House of Martha and Mary, Diego Velázquez, 1618)
I'm driving home from work and call my wife to let her know. As soon as she answers the phone I can hear it in her voice; she's completely stressed out. She's trying not to talk to me about it because she doesn't want to have a heart that is grumbling or complaining, but I can tell.
I don't hear my son yelling or crying in the background or even trying to talk to her nonstop while she's on the phone. I ask her how he was today and she tells me he was really good. Okay, so she's not stressed over anything my son did.
The conversation continues for another few minutes as we talk about what we each did that day and what's for dinner. Finally, unable to figure it out on my own, I just ask her, "Is there something stressing you, my dove?" There's silence on the other end for a moment and then, "Well... it's the house."
Oh, this subject. My beautiful wife is nearing the third trimester of pregnancy, has an almost 3 year old son who demands nonstop attention, talks to you about everything, and wants to run and explore (provided you're there running and exploring with him). And as the old infomercial goes, "But wait, there's more!" She's also in a lot of pain, my son was born asynclitic. It's said to be the second hardest type of birth (the first being breach), and one of its unfortunate side effects, for my wife at least, is some lasting bone/muscle damage that's making her second pregnancy very difficult. She's doing some physical therapy to help, but it can only do so much.
Needless to say, she's exhausted and can't walk for long. I've been trying to take care of the things she can't keep up with, but I'm no mom. I'm dad, which means housework gets done like a triage ward. So clutter can stick around for a while, dishes sometimes pile up (especially when the dishwasher is clean and needs to be unloaded), but it's not like we're living in filth mind you. I may be dad, but even I make sure the house is sanitary
Still, seeing the clutter stresses her, not because she's a perfectionist, but because she feels like it is a constant reminder that she's not doing her wifely duties. I know she's being serious, but it always makes me laugh when she says that. As if the Bible taught that a wife had to do all the laundry and all the dishes and the vacuuming. It annoys her that I laugh, but you can blame my dad for it. He drilled it into his sons' head that there were no gender specific chores. If mom was doing dishes or sweeping or moping we'd better be in there helping her or doing homework. Knowing how to do laundry was my brother's fault though; he knows what he did.
So I get home and I find a picked up house. After we got off the phone my wife felt so guilty, despite me telling her not to worry about it, that she cleaned up the clutter. Which was sweet and I tell her thanks, but she spent the rest of the night and much of the next day in pain. The trade off isn't worth it.
In Luke 10:38-42 we're given a unique look into Christ's friendships outside His disciples. He comes into the home of Martha and her sister Mary was there and Jesus sat down and began to teach. Mary sat down and listened, but I love how the King James Version puts what Martha did, "Martha was cumbered about much serving." Not just distracted, cumbered. She's hindered, she's hampered, she's obstructed by the serving.
Martha wasn't just making sure people had a place to sit or getting dinner ready like a good hostess, she was being obstructed by overly focusing on the material concerns of how her home looked to her guests. And what was Jesus' response when Martha finally got mad that her sister wasn't helping? He rebuked Martha for letting the material keep her from enjoying the spiritual.
And this isn't just a thing for pregnant moms either. Even before the pregnancy, my son consumed my wife's energy. But here's the thing, hardly a day goes by that my wife doesn't send me a picture of my son's smiling face, or my son snuggled up to momma all worn out. As Jesus put it, my wife "has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her."
So don't get stressed out about a house that gets a little messy, don't be ashamed to invite friends over, and don't stop investing in the good portion.
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