The other day I saw a Mario Cartoon (made back in the 80’s) and it got me thinking about how Mario and Luigi are always attacking Bowser. And then I thought, “Hey, I wonder what Bowser’s side of the story is about a couple of Italian “Plumbers” from Brooklyn who wondered into his universe and stole his girlfriend.” Which made me laugh and go, hey, an Italian from Brooklyn with an obvious cover-up job? It just screams Mafia ties. Thus I give you the Adventures of Mafia Mario and Luigi.
Ah, Peach my dear, how is your dinner?
Oh, It’s perfect Bowser, it’s just…
Yes?
It’s just that I fear for your safety. If Mario,
Mario! Mario! All we seem to talk about anymore is that blasted Plumber! Please my love, let us discuss something else
No! We MUST talk about this, we cannot continue to meet like this! If Mario found out… I don’t know what he’d do, but I know it would be horrible for you.
Oh, Peach my love, I’d risk it all just to enjoy one more minute with you, and I know you love me too.
I do, Bowser, I do!
Then why don’t you tell Mario you’re leaving him for good? Why must we keep our love a secret? Why do you stay with him?
I… I don’t know. It’s just… you don’t know how he used to be. He used to be a good man, Bowser. He used to be a doctor until that fateful day.
<FLASHBACK TIME!>
Hello! Welcome to my clinic, how may I help you?
I have a message from Mr. Danza, he says, “Hello”
Wha-? No! Wait Please!
RATA-TAT-TAT-TAT!
NOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo!
<END FLASHBACK!>
*SNIFF* Miraculously he survived, but he was a changed man and followed in the “family business” of plumbing from then on
Oh, Peach, I had no idea. Nice as he may have once been, however, that doesn’t change what he is now. You must -
You must stop disgracing me by affiliating with this lowlife! Peach!
*GASP!* Mario!
Peach, why do you persist in dishonoring me in this manner after all I’ve done for you and your father? Is this truly how you have chosen to repay the kindness of me and my brother?
No, brother, this is certainly not how one chooses to repay the kindness of the Mario Brothers. Surely she must have an explanation.
She doesn’t need to explain anything to you! Now leave at once, least you incur the wrath of the Koopa Clan! For too long my seven brothers and I have tolerated your presence in our lands!
Heh…. ha ha…. HA HA HA HA. Did youse hear that Mario? He warns us of his seven brothers!
Indeed, Luigi. This is quite the joke.
What do you mean by this laughter!?
Let us just say that we had difficulty in finding your house and imposed ourselves on the good hospitality of your siblings. But you need not worry, we repaid their generosity with gifts of our own.
HA! Gifts of our own. Youse a riot Mario. We gaves them gifts alright. Gifts of hot lead! I don’t think they liked it very much though.
No! Mario, say it isn’t true!
Go wait in the car Peach while I “rescue” you from this Lizard.
Wait Mario! Please… I… I’ll never see him again, please just spare his life!
Peach no!
Very well Peach. What you ask of me is reasonable and I will aquiest to this final request of yours. Come Luigi we depart
Youse got it Mario. Consider yourself lucky this time lizard. Weze outta here.
CURSE YOU MARIO! ONE DAY I WILL SAVE PEACH FROM YOUR IMPRISONMENT. I SWEAR THIS TO YOU!
<The End>
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